a year really???

It’s hard to believe that it’s been a year since my last post. A lot of things have happened since then. Halley passed away and I got a new puppy. I’ve taken a break from school recently because I just can’t seem to focus. I  have been trying very hard to keeps things together but it’s getting to be harder and harder. I need to slow things down and think things through but it’s been very difficult.

There are just to many things going on in my life for me to slow down. There are days when I feel like a shark, if I stop what I am doing I will die. (not the other way where I am a cold blooded animal). I just need to find the time and organize my days better so that I can get everything into the boxes where they belong and I can keep everything neat. That’s what I need.

“Go ahead and throw money at the vet”

“Go ahead and throw money at the vet”

That’s what he said to me when I told him that I wanted to make an appointment for Halley. As many of you know Halley is my other baby, my 10-year-old English Pointer and I love her. This past winter  she develop cysts, They are not painful to her as far I can tell, but they are unsightly and something has to be done about them. I recently received some extra money and want to get these things taken care of for her. I want to buy some clothes for me. I want to get the cable turned on. There are so many things that I would like to do but I feel so guilty if I took care of me before trying to take care of her. How can I? Isn’t that morally wrong? Selfish even.

This ethic’s class has brought up a lot of things in my life but right now the main thing that is bothering me is that I want to buy stuff for me, to take care of me for once but then I look at Halley and I can’t. She has lost weight but is still eating. She wants to play and is still active. How can I say that I don’t have the money to pay for her surgery but I can afford to get my hair and nails done, buy a bunch of clothes for me?

I understand that he wants me to save the money for important things, like paying bills at the house but this is my money and that is what I want to do with it. But some might say that this is border line animal abuse. True she is not in pain, but the simple sight of them is painful. His words,  when I told him that I was planning to take care of this is “If you want to throw your money at the vet, go ahead”. That is just painful. He might as well have said that he idn’t care about her. I’m hoping that he didn’t mean it the way that it came out but that’s how it came out. My heart hurt so much when he said that. That’s my baby, how can I not take care of her? If taking care of her means that I don’t get the football package this year then so be it. I am not going to let this go on any longer.

School time

As many of you know, I am going to school online. I have just completed my second class and am now waiting for my final grade. I am so happy to be going to school right now. It’s a bit of a strain on my life, going to school, working and trying to have a personal life, but if this is what I really want then I have to work for it, right?

I turned in my final paper for my Psychology class on Monday, pretty early in the evening for me, and then got comments back on it the next day. I was so happy. The only problem is that, when I was taking my English Proficiency test I did really bad, both times that I took it. It was just bad timing for me. I took the test, the first time, when Halley was having surgery and then finding out about her cancer, so my mind wasn’t really on schoolwork. Which is understandable considering the situation. It’s been just about a month since I went back to California for a funeral and then I have to read Death, Dying, and Bereavement chapter in the book. It was just a bit a much emotionally for me.

But it looks like I should be getting at least a solid B for that class. Now I am onto English and I am hoping that my writing gets better and easier to understand, LOL. Well I am off to bed. It’s late…….and I have school tomorrow.