Today I feel much like my blog, blah. I need to change my blog somehow, the color, the style, something. This is just not helping me today. I need to get dressed, get off the computer, work on the new house and be happy about it. I don’t think all of that is going to happen. Let’s see what we can do, shall we?
While surfing the net this morning before Savie got up (more on that later) I stopped in to see what the twins were up to. Since I hadn’t been there in awhile there were a lot of posts to catch up on and I stopped on this one and it got me thinking.
I have had plenty of bouts of depression myself where I just didn’t want to do anything, go anywhere, to talk to anyone. I kept it to myself and made myself get out and do things. I also had my daughter to take care of. I didn’t go very deep into the darkness of depression. Reading her post, I felt the same way. I didn’t tell anyone just how I felt at the time. I wasn’t ready to admit that I was not in control of my emotions. I wanted to be seen as a strong person. Reading the title I thought, “someone who has had a same feelings!”. I wasn’t disappointed or thought any less of her because she is dealing with this on a daily basis, I think she is still a strong, confident person. It takes a lot to 1)admit that you are depressed 2) do something about it.
As many of you know, I am going to school online. I have just completed my second class and am now waiting for my final grade. I am so happy to be going to school right now. It’s a bit of a strain on my life, going to school, working and trying to have a personal life, but if this is what I really want then I have to work for it, right?
I turned in my final paper for my Psychology class on Monday, pretty early in the evening for me, and then got comments back on it the next day. I was so happy. The only problem is that, when I was taking my English Proficiency test I did really bad, both times that I took it. It was just bad timing for me. I took the test, the first time, when Halley was having surgery and then finding out about her cancer, so my mind wasn’t really on schoolwork. Which is understandable considering the situation. It’s been just about a month since I went back to California for a funeral and then I have to read Death, Dying, and Bereavement chapter in the book. It was just a bit a much emotionally for me.
But it looks like I should be getting at least a solid B for that class. Now I am onto English and I am hoping that my writing gets better and easier to understand, LOL. Well I am off to bed. It’s late…….and I have school tomorrow.
She’s such a ham, lol.
Yes I know that doesn’t quite sound right but she does. And it’s getting to be pretty serious and i am practically to blame for it. I am such an enabler. She has a tennis ball problem. (Did I scare you? Thought it was going to be more health problems? No I am trying to be okay with that and to move on and deal with it a day by day basis. )
Our yard has been overgrown for the past couple of months and hubby has been saying that he is going to weed whack. I laugh every time he says it because I know that he’s not going to do it. But anyways, our yard guy showed up and he did it for us. I looked in the side and back yard and what do I see? 15 tennis balls. I think she may need some kind of program. :0)
Yesterday I was the worst mother I have ever been. I am still beating myself up over it. I was sitting on the floor, restraining my child because I couldn’t think of anything else to do with her. What am I doing? This is not the way I wanted to raise my child and I am sorry that I did it. Please forgive me.
It’s Monday night and I am bone tired after a full day back to work. Well not really. But I am tired because I was really into watching my Boise State win their 14th game this season!!!!! In case you didn’t know it I am a HUGE football fan and wanted to go to the game today because they played here in Arizona. It would only have been a 4 hr drive one way, lol. But that’s okay. I got to watch all but the first 5 minutes of it on TV. Next year we are going to a game in Boise where I will get to kiss the blue field.But onto another topic.
The kids were not ready school. Most of them came back to me cranky and tired. I know Savie was not ready because she had a MAJOR meltdown. She’s never been this bad before but she hit and kicked me. I was not happy so I sat on the floor with her and held her arms and crossed my legs so she couldn’t do it again until she was calm. I’m upset because my other kids saw it but she has no one to blame but herself. I just don’t know what to do with her sometimes. SHe is getting out of hand and it has to stop soon. My nerves can’t take it much longer. On the plus side though she keeps telling me she loves me. It’s so cute the way that she says it but that does not erase what she’s done, you know?
I have decided that this summer I will be closed one morning a week so we can go to the pool. Savie and I never got to go together. She went with a friend once, and then a couple times when we were on the road but I would like to see my new body in a bathing suit, you know? I’ve lost plenty of weight so I should be able to get into a newer bathing suit. Am I selfish? Probably but that’s ok. I have a right to do that every now and then.
Well she’s woken up and it’s almost midnight. I need to get to bed. Have a wonderful night everyone.