A dark cloud is coming

I’m sitting outside on a warm October morning, drinking yucky coffee listening to the birds as they chirp and fly around me and still….I am not happy. No it’s not the coffee that has me in a dark space. It’s not the huge pile of clothes that still need to be washed, dried, folded and put away, it’s a general, overall blah feeling. I should be happy. It’s Sunday and I don’t have any pressing plans. Other than this blah feeling my health is good, my daughter is getting over some weird coughing thing (that I think has something to do with my husband smoking again) and my husband is off playing golf. What could possibly be wrong there? I don’t know.


What I do know is that I can’t really do anything today. I had plans to get my daughter’s birthday present last night when I went out but that got scratched. Her cough was bad so I wanted to stay in for the night. (I was going to go out but make it an early night, I need me time to you know?), but instead he wanted to go listen to one of the local bands play. What a waste of an hour. It was in the back of the business, not out front like I thought it was going to be. It was louder than it should have been so we stayed out back with a bunch of people who had been there for most of the day and had A LOT to drink. Not really a place for my 5-year-old to be. The upside, there was a fire pit.

So that meant that I was home by 8 with no dinner and hadn’t really eaten since about 3 that afternoon. I was not a happy camper. I wanted to work on my paper; that’s due on Monday by the way; but that was not in the game plan either. For most of the night I was answering questions to things that had nothing to do with me, or that I even knew the answer to! Stop talking to me when I am trying to work. I can’t wait until my computer room is done so I can go in there and work on things without being close enough that they can just talk to me when I am working on my computer.


This morning is more of the same. Oh wait I forgot to add that Halley, my English Pointer, took a dump in the house, in Savie’s room. That is something that she has never done before. I know that she is getting on in years but, dang it she’s only 10 years old. That is to young for a loss of bowel movements. But onto this morning, I knew he wanted to borrow my car for his turn to drive but I was not ready to empty out my car at 6 in the morning. That’s just to darn early. And he doesn’t help. Since he’s not in my car often he doesn’t know what goes where so having him “help” me with any of it just takes that much longer. So pack me up like a mule and away I go. I just on’t know what I am going to do. Maybe a little retail therapy; buying a blanket for Savie’s bed, will make me feel better. I need to stay away from the chocolate and chips and bread because I am starting to feel bloated again. I have to get back on my Atkins kick so I can get rid of this feeling.


Ok, take a deep breath and get on with my day. I have too much to do to just sit here and feel sorry for myself.


“I don’t see any Black people here, why are they playing this”

Yes, that’s what I wrote. That’s what I heard tonight at the local football game. Not from an adult but from some kid. Who is probably about 15-16 years old. And looking right at me. Can we say that this kid is not really smart?

That put a damper on my night. That has to be a one of the most underhanded racist remarks I’ve ever heard. So does he mean that only Black people listen to hip-hop and R&B? So only Mexicans listen to Tejano  music? Asians only listen to techno? That is such a narrow-minded thought coming from someone who is supposed to be my future. I know I shouldn’t take it personally but it just makes me wonder, did he really think it was okay to say that? Did his friends think he was so great because he thinks like that?

Savie and I sat in our usual seats, the last section of bleachers, couple of rows up, and a little in. It gives me a good chance of being able to see over people standing in front of the bleachers and still not be to far up (remember I’m afraid of heights). I like these seats, it gives me a good view of the field, and when Savie goes to play with her friends, I can still see her. I was close enough to hear this kid, and most of the conversation that they were having, the entire time we were there. The majority of what was coming out of their mouths was just the typical, teenage junk but this, this was just slander. True, tonight they played more hip-hop and R&B music but there was also some Rock in there. I liked the array of music tonight. It wasn’t just one kind of music. After awhile Savie and I got up to go to the bathroom, and because these kids decided to congregate at the bottom of the stairs, they were in the way. I said excuse me but it was still rude of me the way that I said it. What  I really wanted to do was walk by and say “Do you see any Black people now?”.  I was annoyed. They were standing in the way, barely moving for the people who were trying to get by, and generally ignoring the fact that they were in the way. There were plenty of other kids hanging out in front of the bleachers but they were moving for people. There was just a general lack of respect and caring from these boys. I’ve seen them before but they never bothered me before, they were just the typical teenage boys.


I think the point that I am trying to get, and I will get to it, is that people don’t think about what is said in public. If this is what the younger generation thinks about music, what does that say about our country?