Don’t judge

Don’t judge me. You don’t know what I am going through, nor do you know what I am going through. I know that phrasing gets thrown around a lot but take a minute. Take a minute to think about what you are seeing.

 

I know that you love the picture, that the little girl you see looks adorable. In the same hairstyle that she’s been in since she was 6. Doing the same pose, she did in the last 50 pictures. But what do you see? Do you see the hours that were spent combing and brushing and styling her hair only for her to roll around on her bed after being told not to? No, you don’t. Do you see the cramping and numbing of my hands because of my carpal tunnel and nerve damage in both hands? No, you don’t. Do you see the hours spent unbraiding the braids that have been in for 5 days and getting the lint, knots, and tangles out because she won’t wear her scarf at night? Do you see the 5 different scarves I’ve bought so she has something to put on her hair at night? No, you don’t.

 

 What you see, in those pictures, is a frizzy haired little girl with a cute face. What you see, in all those pictures, is a Mom who doesn’t take care of her hair. That’s what you see. But your judging ways; the words you use, the way you talk to me about it, are hurtful. What you don’t see, what you don’t realize, is that those words that you said……. are the same words I heard for 10 years? That the way you talked to me…. Is something that I’ve heard for years. You’re not telling me anything I haven’t already heard. But it still hurts.

 

Emotional abuse is still abuse. Just because you can’t see the pain you inflict on other people doesn’t mean they aren’t hurt by what you said. When you have to make yourself get out of bed every day, not because your tired or dreading that meeting at work, but when you have to convince yourself that someone, somewhere, would miss you if you didn’t show up. That there is someone out there that is looking to you to brighten their day. What you don’t see is the daily struggle to get out of bed, to eat and plan meals, to go to work. The inner struggle to talk to people in public places when you don’t know a single person. You don’t see that. What you see is a bubbly, happy person who enjoys going out and talking to people, always has a joke or a smile to share. That’s what you see. You see the pretend person, the one that is what society expects to see.

Think about what you saying to people before you say them. That one picture, that one moment in the store that you see, that is not the whole picture.

 

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Times, they are a changing

Well hello there. Remember me? No? It’s ok, I barely remember myself.

 

It’s been 3 years since I have had the chance to sit and write anything. and a lot has happened in that time. I was a stay at home to a wonderful little girl, married and living in an ok house in a nice small town. I was just starting to make friends again and starting to come back to the world. But that was then and this is now. Now I am different. And so is the world.

 

Now I am a widow, who will be getting re-married in April 2017. I have a 12 yrs. old now, not quite the little girl we knew. I longer live in a small town, I have moved to the big city (cue the theme song to “The Jefferson’s” ha ha) and I have very few friends here outside of work. Oh, yeah, I’m working again, full time. No more staying home and making cute little projects with my little girl Now it’s a struggle to get her to do the simple things like her chores. But we are not going to get started there. We are just going to focus on the good things right now.

Today is her birthday. Today she turns 12 yrs. old. Thinking back, I remember how I wasn’t expecting to have children at all, I was going to adopt. There are so many kids out there that don’t have a family of their…. but we are getting sidetracked again. Back to my child.

I remember how I was so freaked out about going into labor, that I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to do it and that something bad was going to happen to me. I didn’t want a C-section, I didn’t want an epidural, heck I wasn’t even sure what that was!!! And my anxiety of the whole thing only got worse after talking to my sisters, mom, and aunt!!! But focus on the good.

She is growing up. She is becoming more independent. She is becoming a young lady. She is growing into herself and that is all anyone can ask.

I don’t really care for Mother’s Day

Yes, I know that title may have caught some attention. But ti’s the truth, I don’t really like Mother’s Day. Or my birthday, or Valentine’s day. Those days are just not that special to me. They are just making the world, mostly men, feel guilty for not doing something special for us women.

 

Take Valentine’s Day. It was originally a day when a Bishop was beheaded for marrying couples outside of what the lords wanted. And now it’s a day of marriage proposals, elaborate evenings with your significant other, trying to outdo what you did the year before. And why? Because it’s your way of saying “I love you”. Why can’t you do something special on a random day for your spouse? Mother’s Day is a day when you celebrate what a wonder job your mother is doing, for saying “Thank you for everything you do everyday”, to Mom. But for me it, that is not he case.

 

For me it was just another day, true my daughter wanted to make me breakfast and did with the help of her Dad, but I still had to wash the dishes they made, wipe down the counter, wash a load of clothes, and did my Girl Scout duty. Nothing special for me today.

 

I wish all those that were treated to something special the best, to those that make it every day, I wish you love and happiness. I am just a very cynical person and today was not a good day for me.

Spring has sprung…….I think

Well we had the freakish winter. Living in the desert I don’t expect to get snow this winter we got over a foot and a half!!!! In four separate occasions! And having lived her for the past 8 years and not really had a winter, this was quite a shock to my system. I the heating bills were out of control! But that’s ok, that’s a totally different story. After Groundhogs Day, I was hoping for an early SPring, like he predicted, but we got another snow after that! So for the past couple of weeks it’s been slowly getting warmer and it’s been nice. But my nose is not agreeing with it. My nose is having problems. I need my allergy meds to kick in and for my nose to stop running but I guess I will have to wait until Fall.

 

Get out and enjoy the warm weather!

Say “excuse me”

I was in the grocery store today with my daughter, pushing the shopping cart when I came cart to cart with a couple of teenagers. I stopped and waited for them to move to the side. They stopped, waited, and didn’t move. I motioned that I was going in the aisle that they were blocking and they finally moved out of the way. As I walked by them I said, loud enough for them to hear, “That’s why you walk to the right”. All I heard was “Well, excuse me” from the little girl, with an attitude.

When did it become standard practice to not say “excuse me” when you walk by people? For youngsters to be so rude to their elders, true I’m only 10 years older than the kids I was talking to today, but still you get the point. There was no respect in their tone of voice or the way they looked at me. That is not the way I am raising my daughter. There are certain things that should, no HAVE to be taught to our children so they grow up with respect for other people.

  • say please and thank you.
  • say excuse me when you walk in front of someone
  • walk to the right so oncoming traffic and pass
  • listen to your elders, even slight, when speaking

i remember these things when I was growing. I didn’t talk back to my parents, I didn’t yell at them, or hit them. When did things change? Kids these days are just rude, no mannered heathens. I’m sorry if I offend parents when I correct their kids when they don’t but someone needs to do it.

up and down, again

today was a pretty good day. It was supposed to be an easy, relaxing day and it started that way. Last night I went to Zumba in the Club, at Club Rendezvous with other Zumba instructors. It was a lot of fun, I got to see instructors I knew, met 2 new ones, and was able to see one that was in a serious accident.

on a side note, seeing her up and walking is a great inspiration

As usual, I sweated so much it was just crazy. I love doing this party but the club needs to have more fans, lol. So since I spent 2 1/2 hours dancing my butt off I thought I would take it easy today. I dropped Savie off at ballet class, drove across town, came back to this side of town, only to rush to the farmer’s Market to leave again to pick her up. I wish I had been able to stay a little longer but my knee was just hurting too much to be there in flip-flops.

I thought I would be able to come home and eat before I had to get ready for the Baseball game. No real luck since I didn’t really have anything to eat for lunch. Made lunch and then fell asleep on the couch. Not good. I had to rush to make the signs for the baseball game tonight where my boys, won the first game but lost the second game.

Now I’m home and my day is over but I am not ready to end it. There are thoughts still racing thru my head but I don’t know what to do first. I should go to bed so I can get ready for tomorrow. I have a Zumbathon to go to tomorrow so I need to get some sleep but I don’t want to go to bed. I’m just stubborn that way.

 

Random Vent #1

My neighbors next door are idiots. And I mean the in the nicest way. Their kids run the street and they work on their car at all hours of the night. I am not one of those neighbors who is just going to let it slide. Sorry, I am going to give you some time to finish up whatever they think they are doing before I call the police.

Why should the whole neighborhood have to suffer for their stupidness? But I have a couple of questions on the matter.

1. Why do you wait until after 10pm to start working on a loud project?

2. How does working on this project now seem better than working on it at noon?

3. What can you possibly see better at 11pm than you can during the day?

4. There are very few things that I can think of that you can look for at night, but most of them don’t involve an engine.