Times, they are a changing

Well hello there. Remember me? No? It’s ok, I barely remember myself.

 

It’s been 3 years since I have had the chance to sit and write anything. and a lot has happened in that time. I was a stay at home to a wonderful little girl, married and living in an ok house in a nice small town. I was just starting to make friends again and starting to come back to the world. But that was then and this is now. Now I am different. And so is the world.

 

Now I am a widow, who will be getting re-married in April 2017. I have a 12 yrs. old now, not quite the little girl we knew. I longer live in a small town, I have moved to the big city (cue the theme song to “The Jefferson’s” ha ha) and I have very few friends here outside of work. Oh, yeah, I’m working again, full time. No more staying home and making cute little projects with my little girl Now it’s a struggle to get her to do the simple things like her chores. But we are not going to get started there. We are just going to focus on the good things right now.

Today is her birthday. Today she turns 12 yrs. old. Thinking back, I remember how I wasn’t expecting to have children at all, I was going to adopt. There are so many kids out there that don’t have a family of their…. but we are getting sidetracked again. Back to my child.

I remember how I was so freaked out about going into labor, that I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to do it and that something bad was going to happen to me. I didn’t want a C-section, I didn’t want an epidural, heck I wasn’t even sure what that was!!! And my anxiety of the whole thing only got worse after talking to my sisters, mom, and aunt!!! But focus on the good.

She is growing up. She is becoming more independent. She is becoming a young lady. She is growing into herself and that is all anyone can ask.

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In the moment

I realize that Savie & I do a lot of stuff together but there rarely are pictures. Why? Because I am busy BEING WITH my daughter instead of of trying to get the perfect shot, the perfect picture.
It’s nit about that. It’s about enjoying the time I have with her, because she’s not going to be my little girl forever. I won’t Ned pictures to remind myself of the times we had, I’ll have my memories, the things we made, to remember that time by.
Be in the moment, not watching it.

On the road again

Savie is a Road Warrior. The two of us have driven to California and back, alone, at least 10 different times. We started doing it when she was about a year old and have made a trip almost every year. Usually it’s just to my side of the family and friends so we can get a lot done in a week. This last trip was to Idaho to see his family. Didn’t get nearly as much fun stuff as usual, and I know Savie was a little bummed.

He doesn’t understand that when you are going to have a 7year sit still for two hours you need to let them goof off for awhile first. He kept telling her to “sit down, settle down” but you can’t do that to a 7year old!!! I have flown twice with her, by myself, and she has been a dream. The flight attendants have loved having her on board. Even if they were just being nice, she was good on board.

Today she was woken up early, and made to get leave Idaho where she has had a blast meeting her cousins, visiting with family, and just having fun, to sit in a car for 2hrs and then be told to “be still’. When the two of us fly we get there a good 2hr early, like your suppose to, and then spend time walking around, looking in shops, being active until it’s time to board. this way she is nice and tired and not so antsy to move around once we are on the plane.

 

But the upside is we are home, she is in bed, and I have some time to relax before tomorrow (ha ha). Here’s to getting back to normal and having a a normal day.

I am not “everyone”

Beauty and the Beast is back in theaters, as of yesterday. I am so thrilled! S has been asking to go see it for weeks, so of course we had to go see it. But wait, I wasn’t the only one whose kid wanted to go see it. My friend G and her kids wanted to see it. So I thought I would make a big event out of it (Similar to when “Princess and The Frog” came out). I knew I would invite people who could make it and some who wouldn’t know until the day of, and that’s fine with me. Life happens. Seeing “Beauty and the Beast” in 3D was so cool, everything I loved about the movie, watching them dance, the waterfall, the snow falling, were made even better, even the rain was better!!! There were times when it was hard for me to see what was going on because the rain was coming down so hard, lol.

Anyways, after the movie I wanted to get some pictures taken of the whole group, just like last time, before everyone took off. They were so cute in their dresses and heels and tiaras. From there we went to the inside playground so we could figure out what we wanted to do next. (The movie got out later than I thought it would) i know that S is too tall to be in there but she is well-behaved, waits her turn, and is aware of the little ones that are in there. There were a couple of other kids that were close to her height so I wasn’t worried about it.

Mall security came over to where I was sitting with my friend, trying to figure out what we should do next, and told me that he was “telling everyone with children over 42″ tall that they were too tall to play at the playground. They can sit and watch but they could not play”. I said ok, I’m waiting for my friend to get back with her kids and then we would leave.  Then he asked me of “The tall one over there” was mine. I said yes.

“She can’t play here”

My daughter is standing next to 2 other girls who were an inch shorter than her and he didn’t say a word about them. Didn’t say a word to my friend that was sitting next to me or to the other ladies that were there. JUST ME! fuming I didn’t say anything other than “OK” because I didn’t want to start cussing at him. I waited until he was gone, called S over, told her we had to leave, and then headed to the mall Management office to find out what was going on. No one was there, shock  and surprise on a Sat., and I came back to the group to get moving.

The same guard was back at the playground, I asked him his name (so when I go in on Mon I can say exactly  who it was) and finished helping S get her stuff together. He came back over and stood by where we were and that just set me off.

I told him he needed to move away, that he was upsetting the kids and myself. He tried to talk to me and I just kept telling him “NO”, there was nothing left to talk about, he need to leave us alone, we weren’t bothering anyone and we were getting ready to go. S is crying her eyes because she was singled out! Of the entire group of kids there, probably about 12 or so, she was the only he pointed out.

Now here is my question. Did someone complain about our group being loud or something or is this man a stalker? In a group of all races why was I, a Black female with a Black child, singled out of the entire group?

yes I am going to complain about this. I have been to the mall plenty of times when older kids are playing in there, taller and older than mine, and they have been rough , rude, and pushy, and security has walked by without saying a word. This was intentional, and personal. What did I do to bring this on my friends and my daughter? This mall, The Mall of Sierra Vista, has some serious issues it needs to fix. This is just the beginning.

How do you explain that?

So Savie and I were in Old Bisbee earlier today to get dinner from one of my favorite places, POCO. (If you ever come to Bisbee, you HAVE to try it!!!) I love going there because the food it great, the people working there are so friendly and, there is usually live music playing on Fridays. So we got our food and were driving back home when we passed “Women in Black” standing in their usual place. I threw up my “Peace” sign and kept on driving.

“To bad, Miss S has to stand there all day,” Savie says to me.

“She doesn’t HAVE to honey, she’s protesting the war”

“What’s “Protesting”?

Uh oh, how do I explain this one? I didn’t think about it when i said it but it may have been a little more advanced then she as ready for but I had to go ahead with what we started.

“Protesting is when you tell someone else that you don’t like something they are doing. You get a sign or wear a certain color and stand outside of their building. This is a silent, peaceful protest.”

“Oh, but why do you were a certain color?”

“Do you know what a symbol is?”

I wanted to be sure about this and luckily we were passing a Yield sign without the words. I explained to her that symbols stand for something, just like we know that the Yield sign means the same thing with or without the words. Wearing Black to a funeral is a symbol of mourning. I told her that I wear a red shirt, which is a symbol for blood, in honor of the soldiers who died.

 

I just don’t know how to explain these things to someone who is only 7year old. I guess I better get better at that and quick!

Being good is hard work

For the past month Savie has had a very loose tooth. I really wish this tooth would fall out on its own but it’s not doing so well. It’s getting closer and closer but it just won’t fall out. I ask her about it, when I notice that she is messing with it, otherwise I don’t bother her with it.

Friday night is my night to “me” stuff. Go to the movies, go for a drive, whatever. It’s very hard to enjoy my “me” time when I get a voice mail from her crying and screaming, saying that something is wrong. I, of course, want to come home and find out what is wrong. What type of   mother would I be if my heart didn’t hurt when I heard her cry? I leave things early, or don’t leave town because I have that sinking feeling that something is going to go wrong. Being a good mom, along with all the other things I do, is hard work.

WHen I think about what I could, I feel guilty. Even though I know that she is going to be fine, that he will work things out or that she will fall asleep soon, it doesn’t make me feel any better. What if this is one of those times when he can’t fix it? What if she cries herself to sleep? Will she feel better in  the morning? Will I feel guiltily knowing that she cried herself to sleep? Even though I know that half an hour after I get home to soothe her, she will be asleep, it doesn’t make it easier for me. I need to be there for her. I need her to know, that f something happens and she wants me, I will be there.

Being a good mom is hard work. And I love it.

ranting

Today is going to be a rant kind of a day. I don’t do it very often but that is what I feel like so tough.

Sunday is the day that I usually go grocery shopping, wash clothes, and rush around doing a bunch of things. It was the usual day. Hubby was off playing golf like always and that just left Savie and me. Nothing out of the ordinary there. The only difference is that this weekend I was trying to get Savie’s friend to come over and play Wii with her and relax. They don’t see each other anymore since she goes to school in another city now and we didn’t really get to see her over the weekend.

I was hoping that we could have the Wii party in the morning and then go about the rest of our days with kids that were a little tired but happy. WRONG!!!!!!!! She wants to do it in the afternoon because she has other plans for her morning. OK, didn’t discuss the time with her to begin with so I can’t really get upset. Savie and I will just go do our shopping early then and just make sure that we get back in time. Since we were going to Douglas and it’s a Sunday morning I knew most of the stores would be closed when we go there. It was a good morning for walking up and down the streets. We bought a few things at one store for Savie, for me at the next, and she was great. We had already walked up the street, about 4 blocks, before we started the other way. Since it was getting closer to lunch time I knew she was getting hungry and that things were going to go downhill quickly if I didn’t get her fed but I was seeing a lot of Betty Boo[p things that I wanted (more on that later). By the time we had walked up one side of the street and back down the other to get to the car, she was pretty much a bratty little girl Telling me what  she wanted this or that, interrupting my conversations with other people.

Lunch was McDonald’s, which just continued to turn my stomach. I have been on Atkins for over a year and was doing really well about eating the junk food that passes for fast food. Again going off on another topic, sorry. After lunch we headed over to Wal-Mart to get all of my shopping done. I had already stopped at two shoe stores while on Main Street in Douglas and saw a couple of shoes that I liked but I had to get other things before I could buy shoes for myself. It’s so hard for me to buy stuff for myself sometimes, I feel like I should be buying for other people and then for myself. Oh well, I guess I will have to get over that soon, huh?

In Walmart Savie should have been fine. We just ate, she ha d chance to play at the playground there and now for the little bit of shopping that I needed to do there. That was not the case. She was all over the place. I was so close to screaming at her that it was driving me nuts. I finally just said that was enough and paid for what we had so we could leave. Once we got home I was so tired that I just wanted to sit down and do nothing but I still had to plan for Savie’s friend to come over. I got lucky, I guess, that she said they weren’t coming over, still not finished with their other things. Yeah?

I ended up putting all the groceries away while trying to find something for Savie to eat, then going to the store for dinner!!!!!! And then the topper……..he got sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And I mean from both ends. I spent the next 4 hrs listening to him in and out of the bathroom, trying to take a test for my class and then crashing on the couch for awhile just so I could get some sleep. I finally went to bed around 2 and then an hour later Savie comes and climbs into bed with us. With all the noise he was making I can understand why, it’s a little freaky in the middle of the night. (the house echo’s really bad since there is nothing to dampen the sound.

So I spent the rest of the night trying to keep Savie away from him, keep covers on myself since most of them were wrapped around him, and get some sleep. I dozed off just in time for my alarm to go off!!!! Today is going to be a long day because I haven’t had enough sleep, the coffee I’ve had so far is horrible and not doing a thing for me, and he’s still at home.