Don’t judge me. You don’t know what I am going through, nor do you know what I am going through. I know that phrasing gets thrown around a lot but take a minute. Take a minute to think about what you are seeing.
I know that you love the picture, that the little girl you see looks adorable. In the same hairstyle that she’s been in since she was 6. Doing the same pose, she did in the last 50 pictures. But what do you see? Do you see the hours that were spent combing and brushing and styling her hair only for her to roll around on her bed after being told not to? No, you don’t. Do you see the cramping and numbing of my hands because of my carpal tunnel and nerve damage in both hands? No, you don’t. Do you see the hours spent unbraiding the braids that have been in for 5 days and getting the lint, knots, and tangles out because she won’t wear her scarf at night? Do you see the 5 different scarves I’ve bought so she has something to put on her hair at night? No, you don’t.
What you see, in those pictures, is a frizzy haired little girl with a cute face. What you see, in all those pictures, is a Mom who doesn’t take care of her hair. That’s what you see. But your judging ways; the words you use, the way you talk to me about it, are hurtful. What you don’t see, what you don’t realize, is that those words that you said……. are the same words I heard for 10 years? That the way you talked to me…. Is something that I’ve heard for years. You’re not telling me anything I haven’t already heard. But it still hurts.
Emotional abuse is still abuse. Just because you can’t see the pain you inflict on other people doesn’t mean they aren’t hurt by what you said. When you have to make yourself get out of bed every day, not because your tired or dreading that meeting at work, but when you have to convince yourself that someone, somewhere, would miss you if you didn’t show up. That there is someone out there that is looking to you to brighten their day. What you don’t see is the daily struggle to get out of bed, to eat and plan meals, to go to work. The inner struggle to talk to people in public places when you don’t know a single person. You don’t see that. What you see is a bubbly, happy person who enjoys going out and talking to people, always has a joke or a smile to share. That’s what you see. You see the pretend person, the one that is what society expects to see.
Think about what you saying to people before you say them. That one picture, that one moment in the store that you see, that is not the whole picture.