“Go ahead and throw money at the vet”

“Go ahead and throw money at the vet”

That’s what he said to me when I told him that I wanted to make an appointment for Halley. As many of you know Halley is my other baby, my 10-year-old English Pointer and I love her. This past winter  she develop cysts, They are not painful to her as far I can tell, but they are unsightly and something has to be done about them. I recently received some extra money and want to get these things taken care of for her. I want to buy some clothes for me. I want to get the cable turned on. There are so many things that I would like to do but I feel so guilty if I took care of me before trying to take care of her. How can I? Isn’t that morally wrong? Selfish even.

This ethic’s class has brought up a lot of things in my life but right now the main thing that is bothering me is that I want to buy stuff for me, to take care of me for once but then I look at Halley and I can’t. She has lost weight but is still eating. She wants to play and is still active. How can I say that I don’t have the money to pay for her surgery but I can afford to get my hair and nails done, buy a bunch of clothes for me?

I understand that he wants me to save the money for important things, like paying bills at the house but this is my money and that is what I want to do with it. But some might say that this is border line animal abuse. True she is not in pain, but the simple sight of them is painful. His words,  when I told him that I was planning to take care of this is “If you want to throw your money at the vet, go ahead”. That is just painful. He might as well have said that he idn’t care about her. I’m hoping that he didn’t mean it the way that it came out but that’s how it came out. My heart hurt so much when he said that. That’s my baby, how can I not take care of her? If taking care of her means that I don’t get the football package this year then so be it. I am not going to let this go on any longer.

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ranting

Today is going to be a rant kind of a day. I don’t do it very often but that is what I feel like so tough.

Sunday is the day that I usually go grocery shopping, wash clothes, and rush around doing a bunch of things. It was the usual day. Hubby was off playing golf like always and that just left Savie and me. Nothing out of the ordinary there. The only difference is that this weekend I was trying to get Savie’s friend to come over and play Wii with her and relax. They don’t see each other anymore since she goes to school in another city now and we didn’t really get to see her over the weekend.

I was hoping that we could have the Wii party in the morning and then go about the rest of our days with kids that were a little tired but happy. WRONG!!!!!!!! She wants to do it in the afternoon because she has other plans for her morning. OK, didn’t discuss the time with her to begin with so I can’t really get upset. Savie and I will just go do our shopping early then and just make sure that we get back in time. Since we were going to Douglas and it’s a Sunday morning I knew most of the stores would be closed when we go there. It was a good morning for walking up and down the streets. We bought a few things at one store for Savie, for me at the next, and she was great. We had already walked up the street, about 4 blocks, before we started the other way. Since it was getting closer to lunch time I knew she was getting hungry and that things were going to go downhill quickly if I didn’t get her fed but I was seeing a lot of Betty Boo[p things that I wanted (more on that later). By the time we had walked up one side of the street and back down the other to get to the car, she was pretty much a bratty little girl Telling me what  she wanted this or that, interrupting my conversations with other people.

Lunch was McDonald’s, which just continued to turn my stomach. I have been on Atkins for over a year and was doing really well about eating the junk food that passes for fast food. Again going off on another topic, sorry. After lunch we headed over to Wal-Mart to get all of my shopping done. I had already stopped at two shoe stores while on Main Street in Douglas and saw a couple of shoes that I liked but I had to get other things before I could buy shoes for myself. It’s so hard for me to buy stuff for myself sometimes, I feel like I should be buying for other people and then for myself. Oh well, I guess I will have to get over that soon, huh?

In Walmart Savie should have been fine. We just ate, she ha d chance to play at the playground there and now for the little bit of shopping that I needed to do there. That was not the case. She was all over the place. I was so close to screaming at her that it was driving me nuts. I finally just said that was enough and paid for what we had so we could leave. Once we got home I was so tired that I just wanted to sit down and do nothing but I still had to plan for Savie’s friend to come over. I got lucky, I guess, that she said they weren’t coming over, still not finished with their other things. Yeah?

I ended up putting all the groceries away while trying to find something for Savie to eat, then going to the store for dinner!!!!!! And then the topper……..he got sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And I mean from both ends. I spent the next 4 hrs listening to him in and out of the bathroom, trying to take a test for my class and then crashing on the couch for awhile just so I could get some sleep. I finally went to bed around 2 and then an hour later Savie comes and climbs into bed with us. With all the noise he was making I can understand why, it’s a little freaky in the middle of the night. (the house echo’s really bad since there is nothing to dampen the sound.

So I spent the rest of the night trying to keep Savie away from him, keep covers on myself since most of them were wrapped around him, and get some sleep. I dozed off just in time for my alarm to go off!!!! Today is going to be a long day because I haven’t had enough sleep, the coffee I’ve had so far is horrible and not doing a thing for me, and he’s still at home.

Kindergarten starts on Monday!!!!

Can you tell that I’m a little happy? I am so excited Savie is going to start school ut I have to keep my excitement in control. If I get to worked up and make a big deal out of this then she will get freaked out on Monday. I don’t want that. i want her to be happy to go and start a new adventure, make new friends, and just not be wit me.

 

It’s not that I don’t want her to be with me but she has been with me everyday for the past 5  1/2 years. Does that make me a mean mom? That I am this happy about her starting school? I don’t think so. I have plans for myself that day. I want to do things for me. I want to get a pedicure and get my nails done, give Halley a bath, work in the garden, have a leisurely lunch with a friend. Maybe even clean the house up some more. But we shall see what we can get done.